I know that i'm not going to get the one thing i really want for Christmas.....
But i'm going to keep waiting until the time is right.

i listen to this over and over again.....

I want this to be over with

Because of you i dont believe any people anymore.

I know that most are not like you, but I have that fear that they will do to me again what you have done.

That they will not show up. That they will disappear. That they will lie to me.

I hate that you have made me feel this way. I hate that you have had any effect on me at all.

I want to be able to just dismiss you like you never existed, like you were just a bad dream that will be forgotten as soon as I wake up.

barr.. hum bug!!

yes.... i am drunk. but i sick of it! for the last 4 years i have been the constant single one in my group of friends. and im sooo over it. ive had enough of sitting there quietly while they all kiss and cuddle whle im there watching the band.. prentening that im having a great time while all i want to do is crawl up into a ball and cry.
im over it! how do my gf always manage to find the guys that are happy to commit while i attract the palyers.
grrrr... ive had enough... no more!
as of pay day things are goign to change...just how is a secret that only i know, but they are going to change! no longer will i be the only single lonely one at the table... in time things will be different. they have to be.

What not to use....

This afternoon at work i was entertained by an impromptu and somewhat badly played game of office cricket....tho most of the time i was just trying to keep out of the way in order to not get hit by the orange squishy stress ball. How ever we did discover that the lid of an esky, a large sized umbrella and an empty glenfiddich scotch container all do not make awesome cricket bats.
.. just in case u ever should find urself stuck desperate for some form of cricket bat, i do not recommend these things at all.

lies, lies, lies.... all your lies.

Its been nearly 2 weeks since i heard from you.

Is it wrong that the only reason i want to hear from you is so that i can tell you to leave me alone?

i dont want you to win, to think that you ended it. i want you to know that I made that decision, not you.

You told me that you 'cant not have me' and you dont want to lose me'.. you never had me and you cant lose something you never had.

Its all your own fault as to why u never had me, i was there for. i waited for you. but it was never enough, for a reason ill never know. but i have decided that i dont want to know.. cos it doesnt matter anymore. All that matters is that i know i dont want you anymore.

im better than how you ever treated me, not that you will ever get the chance to see....

bored, bored, bored

i have nothing much to do today.

As usual you have another excuse to not spend the day with me as u promised. You say u will see me later but i dont believe it.

makes me wonder if you believe ur own lies when u tell me them?
y say u will do something if you have no intention in the first place?

im not sure what u really want from me, but then i dont think u do either.

hmmm... bored, bored, bored.. nothing to do today, but be annoyed at you.

i wish this was goodbye.....

i dont know why im finding it so hard to walk away from you.....

you continue to play games with my head and yet i cant say goodbye.

i want to hate you, but i cant. which makes me hate myself.

i like to think that i am better then all your games... but maybe im not. perhaps thats y i cant tell you to just leave me alone.

i dont know what is the point in puting up with ur shit when all you do is hurt me.

i dont want this, i dont want you if your just going to continue to disappoint me.

i dont believe your lies and i dont believe your apologies.

i wish i didnt have to end it, but you did this. your the one who continues to break my heart, how can i be with you when i cant rely on you.

i dont even see you.

im sorry, i cant play your game anymore, it hurts to much.



....and i wish i had the guts to send this to you.....

Tuesday = Funtastic

You know you are going to have an interesting day when its starts off with walking past a big black cushion in the shape of a penis complete with balls!Today i also, fell back inlove with crumpets (we didnt have fight, we just needed some time apart, but everything is ok now).
My most excellent housemate and i made lemon meringue pie, it took 2 hours, twice as many eggs as it should have, 4 different cookbooks and alot of confused faces.. but we got there in the end! yummmmm!!!!!!

mmmmmm...

I have rediscovered crumpets.. i love crumpets.

If i could marry a crumpet i would.... YUM!

Is KFC next?

As far as my dating record is going, its pretty crap.

My last date was no exception to this.

I knew from the start that it was going to be bad. He got lost and had to call me for directions from Parramatta rd, then was unable to find the house or a carpark, so i had to get my stuff and meet him outside my house. I then got presented with flowers.. which was nice and redeemed him slightly.

(Firstly i will need to tell u about an earlier event this year i had a man pick me up and take me to Maccas drive through for our date, then proceeded to park in Maccas carpark to eat his food and yell at a seagull that was looking at him... he didnt get a second date. )

This date wasnt a Maccas replay, but Nandos chicken this time. Of all the restaurants in Parramatta.. he chooses Nandos for a first date! The conversation was lacking, other than him telling me how he used to be a bit of a womaniser and have girls wanting to go out with him just cos he goodlooking he was numerous times (im not sure what girls he was meeting, but i certainly wasnt swooning!)
The highlight of the night was seeing a movie which i enjoyed, tho he did leave for 25 mins during it cos he had a sore back. Luckily he didnt make any moves during the movie.

Our drive home wasnt any better as it burst out in a small argument about religion within relationships.

So another date over with that a 2nd date will not follow... i got to eat chicken, see a free movie, i got flowers...tho i did accidentally leave them in his car (im a bit annoyed at myself for that, ive not been given flowers many times before).

Fingers crossed whatever guy i go on my next date with.. actually has idea about how to impress a girl! heres to hoping!

absolutely mortified!!!!!!!

Last night i freaked out completly, to the ammusment of my housemate Dale who took much pleasure out of the fact that it was me and not herself that was freaking out for a change .... and it was completly understandable that i did so.

There i was happily sitting in the lovely loungeroom of the peach, chatting with Dale, when my phones rings... to my surprise it is a guy that a dated for a few months and have not spoken to for just as long. With a thousand thoughts running through my find.. most of which involving 'why is he calling', i said hello. To which 'he replied hello... i just thought i should call and let you know that someone has put pics up of u on the net"
"WTF" was my reply...

Yes it was all true. A jerk of ex of mine had posted some.. well... pretty racey photos of me.

I could have just died when i saw them up on the screen!!! and of cause the person to stumble across them just had to be a guy i had dated aswell!

The ass of ex is telling me that he had nothing do with it.. what was a possesive girl that he was seeing. She has found out he was seeing other people and has done this to get back at him.
I dont believe him... how could anyone believe that story?

Now dont go trying to look for these pics, as they have been removed from the site after a strongly worded email to the sites creators!

anyway that is my vent.. rant and rave for today.....

Its an odd thing... i will think of interesting things to write about in the most inconveniant places.. like in the shower. Does this happen to most people, or is it just me?

Then when i go to actually write my post for the day i have completly forgotten what the fabulous shower idea was....

this really is most annoying!!!!!!!!

....

OK.. so im back... yea its been a while. Thought i might give this blog thing another go. Not really sure what i will be writing tho.

ive have written a post nearly everyday.. but delete it before posting as i am a crap and uninteresting writer.

maybe this blog thing really isnt a very good idea for me...

i will try again in a few days and see if i have become more entertaining with words. :p

Am i meant to be excited?

I am going to the Mean Fiddler tomorrow night, my best friend Gill is so excited i think she may explode lol.

Maybe its just cos ive been sick.. but i really would rather go out for a nice dinner and a glass of wine, or even better be snuggled up in bed with someone.

But i often feel like this before going out and having an awesome time. it must be the illness, or am i just getting older and im over getting drunk every weekend?

i called in sick to work today, i woke up fighting back the urge to throw up. the fighting didn t last long, i had to run past a surprised housemate Dale brushing her teeth in the bathroom. it was awful. this continued a few more times throughout the morning. Luckily the feeling of needing to vomit every 10 mins left by lunchtime.

so its friday night and all i have planned is some movie watching.... but thats what i have done all day. how unexciting.......

its been a while....

im sure we have all come to realise i am not a writer... thats my housemates domain. But i am going to give this blog thing another try.

i apologise in advance lol :P