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i did it

The Harry Potter challenge has been completed! i have successfully read the first Harry Potter book. yay!

im going to read the next one aswell.

i have been told that my next reads after i finish the Potter series, is to be the Godfathers. :)

ive been set a challenge.

Its probably pretty obvious that im not much of a writer... or a big reader either.

But my housemate Dale has set me a challenge to read the Harry Potter books.

i except the challenge! i will start tonight.

Lets see how long it takes me :)

i dont think about him that much anymore..

I just got an email from my best friend, she had news about my ex. It has taken me almost 2 yrs to get over this guy. Occaisionally thoughts of him still creep into my mind, but i dismiss them just as quickly cos i know nothing will ever happen there again.
And then i got an email confirming that.

He has proposed to his current gf. The one he cheated on with me. Yes i was the other women. But i loved him all the same. It was complicated. I ended it. but it was the hardest thing i have ever done. i sonttimes think that maybe it was the biggest mistake ive ever made... but its done and over. cant change that now.

i hope he is happy. all i ever really wanted is for him to be happy.

....i feel sick.

im in shock

My best mate Ilz 2 months ago left aus to move home to Turkey (even tho he has grown up here).

I had not spoken to ilz other than a quick hi on msn, until Friday night. He told me he had news, but did want me to be upset.

He tells me he is getting MARRIED on Sunday!!!!! i almost died with shock.

i had preperred myself for him meeting someone.... but not marriage.. not yet.. he has only been there 2 months! He was so not looking to marriage when i knew him.

So today is Tuesday.... (monday night there). He is now married. i need to keep telling myself over and over again, just to so that it is real....

another one....

I told you all earlier that 3 of my closest friends had all moved away....
Now there is another one! Sparky has up and moved to New Zealand! He says he will be back in 6 months. But we will see.

brrrr....

omg, i am SOOOO cold!

i feel like i work in an igloo. The office managers seriously need to learn how to control the air conditioning. Making ur staff so cold they cant type properly is not productive at all! lol

ok.. ok....

OK.. so i do actually enjoy being single as well.
Especially after spending my morning receiving emails from 3 of my best girlfriends, crying about their significant others and how big of assholes they are.

How much bullshit are you meant to put up with just for the sake of having someone?
Is it better to be in a unhappy relationship cos u are scared to be alone or to just be on ur own, as an happy as it may seem at the time but with the possibility that at any time of meeting someone that will make u very happy?

Personally i don't see any argument there.

A list of Pros to why I like being single....

Im sure there are some... but i just cant think of any right now.

A list of cons to why I hate being single....

I hate going to parties alone
I hate sleeping alone
I hate waking up alone
I hate knowing that every single boring errand i have to do, im going to do it alone
I hate not having sex
I hate not having anyone to just kiss & cuddle.
I hate cooking for one and shopping for one
One is a lonely number
I hate people asking me why im still single
I hate people not asking me why im still single (im not sure which it worse)
I hate my birthday because reminds me each yr, that im still single
... dont even get me started on Valentines day and Christmas. Easter is ok, cos theres chocolate.
I hate having to think about the possiblity of not becoming a wife, and mother because i may still be single!!!!!!!!!

(i will add to this list as i think of more....)

He's just not that into you.....

i recently finished reading the book "he's just not that into you". Its writing by 2 of the people who write the Sex & the City series, Greg & Liz.

It was great.... i would recommend it to any female to read, even if they are in a relationship.

It was very empowering.

Yea it sucks to not get that call back from that guy that u are currently smitten with, but why do u want to spend ur time sitting around waiting by the phone/email. if he likes you he knows how to contact you, and would have. The book teaches you how to believe what u actually already know in the back of ur head... that he's just not that into you!

as Greg says- "Don't waste the pretty!"

hmmmmm......

Current mood: unsure :-/


ok.. so yea he did contact me that once. but that has been it.


i tried to call him last night when i got home..... no answer.

i will try to call him one last time later tonight. If he doesnt answer then the ball is in his court(as they say).

Or perhaps he just doesnt have the balls to tell me he didnt actually like me the other night.

Time will tell.......

YAY!!!

Current mood: Happy

i heard from him! yay....

i got an email from him this morning apologising for not replying yesterday. He had no credit on is phone and there was a problem with his emails.

hopefully we can make it to a second date :)

well i thought it went well

Current mood: disappointed

Last night i went on my date.
He was even nicer in person, than he had seemed in the all the emails and phone conversations we'd had in the past few weeks.
He was a complete gentleman. Came to the front door to pick me up. When i opened the door, he looked right at me and smiled. Said hi and gave me a big hug. i very happily hugged back.

We sat across from each other and sipped our coffee's, in the romantic atmosphere of the Italian Forum. We had laughed.. there were no weird awkward silent moments (u have to watch for those i have been told). After an hour and a half coffee/chating... we decided to head home as it was a monday and we both had work the next day.
As he puled up outside my house... he smiled and said he had had such a nice time, i answered that i had aswell. He replied that he would msg me when he got home. id like that, i said smiling. then we did an kiss goodbye on the cheek.

I did get a message from him when he got home. it read 'heya.. im home... it was really nice to meet you finally.. well i am so tired..lol..sweet dreams ;)"
i replied with how it was so nice to finally meet him aswell. goodnight xxx.

It has now been an entire day and i have not heard a thing from him. Quite a change from our previous all day emails back & forth. i sent an sms in the arvo saying hi and asking how his day was going. no reply.

the girls at work think he is doing the whole 48 hour no contact rule cos he doesnt want to seem to eager. But im not so convinced of that. i think that i just need to take the non contact as the hint that he just wasnt that into me.

Pity tho.. he had alot of boxes ticked.... which is a hard thing to find in this world of assholes.

2nd try

Current mood: excited

Quite a long time ago i signed up for a dating site- Lavalife. Not much has come from other than a few extra people added to my msn messenger of whom i have only ever said a few words.
Except a few weeks ago i got an email from a lovely guy.. after emailing back and forth a bit.. msn details were exchanged... then phone numbers.
He seems to have the same ideas about things that i do.
So tonight.. we are going out for coffee. i am really hoping this one goes well. i need something to renew my faith in the male population. That not every guy only has a one track mind.

Tonights date is extremely sweet and has not once asked anything rude. Which is a nice change to the assholes that usually seem to attract.

i am very nervous... excited.. but nervous. lol

Cant be as bad as the last one.. unless of course he tries to take me to KFC. hahahahaha

i think im broken.....

current mood: sick

i havnt been able to function properly all week. I have been feeling so sick. But its a weird illness... its been mostly affecting my stomach. Im not snezzing and coughing like a regular flu.
i cant eat, if i try too, i just feel even worse and want to be sick.

i dont know what is wrong with me!!!!!! *cries*

nice....

current mood: relaxed

Its Friday night and i'm at home... but i'm so glad. After such a big, tiring, stressful week at work, i'm so happy to just be relaxing at home on the couch, with Baileys on ice in my hand. 2 days without work stress is great.. although i'm sure still not enough.... i need a holiday.

Note to self

current mood: I'm an idiot!

If you are bored in the afternoon and notice that ur mouse pad has a pen mark on it....

IGNORE IT!

Do not colour the whole mouse pad in with black permanent marker as to disguise the pen as this will result in u getting a black wrist!

1 down....

I said that i was going to get back into the dating thing, in order to find someone to cuddle. I have gone on my first attempt of a date.
Although i dont think i should be classing this one as a date. He took me to McDonalds, yes u read correctly! Apparently thats what he felt like eating. He had just come from footy training and was hungry. What makes this, date (i use this term loosly) even worse was that we didnt go into maccas, but the drive through then sat in the car and ate!
If this 29yr old BOY thinks he is getting a second date, he is dreaming. Who takes a girl to maccas for a date!
i live near the city for fks sake... not like there is a lack of cafe's and restaurants around.
Neways, getting a tad annoyed.. need to calm down. lol

So this guy wasnt exactly what i was looking for in a partner, but he was a good little ego boost for me, as he did want to see me again. :)

Lets just hope that the next one has a bit more class shall we. :)

wooo

comments are working now.. ppl.. comment ur asses off :)

comments

My comments dont seem to be working.... i have fiddled with a few settings.. lts try now....

im in love

Current mood: happy :)

Friday night was spent with a man that at one point in time, was my whole life.
Although the night wasn't about love for each other in that way anymore. Lying in his warm arms made me remember just how much i used to love this. The soft kisses on my forehead for no reason when i put my head on his shoulder, hearing his heart beat along with my own. i love this feeling of love.

Waking up with him the morning to him cuddling me to keep me warm, made me feel so safe, so protected, so happy. a feeling that i have not felt in a very long time. This was what i needed to remind me.

Over the last 2 years that i have been single, i think i must of forgotten how much i loved the feeling of being in love.

i have decided i want that feeling again. it has taken 2 yrs but i am ready to try and get that feeling back.

I am happy that i am finally at this point. and i am finally, in love with love again! :)

Alone....

Current mood: upset :(

2 weeks ago one of my bestest friends ilz left me to move to Turkey, he is never coming back. He has moved there for ever. Forever is a very long time to never see someone again!

Today one of my other close friends hays, that i also work with finished up today as she is moving back to the gold coast where she is from. I organised a big lunch for the company to say goodbye to her and it was all very sad... lots of tears.

and in 3 weeks another close friend and my exhousemate, Beck is moving to QLD aswell!

3 of the closest people to me are all leaving in the space of 2months! how is this possible!!!!

i am a wreck! who am i meant to turn to now?

Usually it would be ilz that i would be calling in times of dispear. he would answer my call and just know that i needed him to come over, i wouldnt have to say a thing.. and he would be over, he would make me laugh, give me cuddles and id be happy again. Now he is on the other side of the world. ....... i miss him.

If one more person decides to move away anytime soon... i dont know what im going to do.

Learning to save is my mission and i must succeed!

I really want to go over seas and travel. I want to do this next year.
but i realised this morning that next year is approching at an alarming rate.

I need to get my life orgainised. i have to get my money situation sorted.
i have come to the conclusion that i am shit when it comes to saving! But i am trying which is always a good start. i no longer impulse buy.. at least now it is rare & something cheap when i do :)

i like my job.... i do. but im BORED!!!! i want to discover new things....

Pyschic mp3 player?

"Simple directions: use the shuffle function on your music player andsee what you come up with in answer to the following questions."

These are the answers I got. Some depressing, some funny.. others just confusing lol

How does the world see me?
Stick with you – Pussycat Dolls

Will I have a happy life?
Without you - Eminem

What do my friends really think of me?
She got that vibe - Mic

Do people secretly lust after me?
This years love – David Grey

How can I make myself happy?
Nasty Girl - Nitty

What should I do with my life?
Murder was the case – snoop dogg (*the answer to this one scares me a little)

Will I ever have children?
I see girls – Studio B

What is some good advice for me?
Breakdown – Bone thugs n harmony feat Mariah Carey

How will I be remembered?
Soldier – Destiny’s child

What song will play at my funeral?
So Sick – Ne-yo (is this y i will die perhaps?)

What type of men do I like?
Seven - Prince

What is my day going to be like?
The pieces don’t fit anymore – James Morrison

i think the universe is trying to tell me something

ok... so i was going to tell you what i woke up to this morning.

For some dumb reason this morning in that half awake half asleep state before my alarm (the radio) clicks on, i started thinking of my ex-boyfriend that i have been broken up with for 2 years now. this was not an easy break up, i was left heartbroken.. and still am rather. i think of him often still and what could have been if we had met under different circumstances. If we had met earlier before she came into his life and ruined everything for him... for us.

As i dreamt about him... my alarm came on.. with the lyrics to some grunge song i dont know playing on Nova saying "it's over now, get over it".

im taking this as a very obvious sign that the univers believes i need to move on & get over him and i do agree, but unfortunatly, this is easier said than done... but im getting there.

Welcome to my first post!

This is the first post to my new blog. im not sure why i have even started this, i just woke up (to something that i will explain next) and felt the need to write my life down and how i am feeling as i am staring to get a bit lost in myself. If i put these feeling down in writing im hoping it will help me start organising my life to the way i want it to be, and i can stop feeling so lost.

Or perhaps my housemate Dale has had some profound effect on me, and im starting to see how writing things can help.

either way.. im open to trying new things. :)